It's Not Safe (part I)14 May 2021It's Not Safe (part I) The apostrophes safe was a highly secure safe, where scared apostrophes could go and hide, away from the cruel light that cast a shadow on their tiny slivery bodies. No apostrophe worth its weight in ink would shun the safe. The life of an apostrophe was longer there. After all, there were no silly Ess characters to bother them. Stupid Esses, always wanting to get close to other letters but just not close enough. Always wanting to separate things, commitaphobic Esses, everywhere. Needy Esses in need of apostrophes.But then, once upon a time, a very different apostrophe was born. It was not afraid. It wanted to get to know the Esses better, even if it meant not being completely together. So, the bold apostrophe went out in search of any word that needed it. As it jumped down the street, an Ess on the chalk board outside the supermarket called out: "Hey, little bold apostrophe, jump up here!"And with a flick of its tail, using a discarded lolly stick, the bold apostrophe pole-vaulted onto the chalk board and made potatoes into potatoe's, and everyone in the market was happy and started using the bold apostrophe in lot's of other word's that they did'nt know how to spell before, and they rejoiced. And then the frightened apostrophe's in the apostrophe's safe started jumping out of the safe and finding Esse's to cuddle up with, and soon, all the Esse's had their own apostrophe's and it was'nt a crime to put apostrophe's before a Ess, even if the Ess didnt really want one. And some apostrophe's even started to jump in between other letter's of the word's, and due to all the sentence's in the world needing apostrophe's, the stock market price's soared in many country's and for a while nobody knew if there would be enough. Luckily, some scientist's invented 3D printing so apostrophe's could be made over the Internet and deployed in supermarket's, shop's and office's in any country's that had electric pylon's.Your's truly,Lemonrocks Editor, Apostrophe Ambassador, Grammar Grumbler and Wordplay Wunderluster--Time on your hands? This is a good explanation:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=My6oGvkHnfY
Jokers10 May 2021Jokers Recently, I ordered some new business cards and flyers for Lemonrock. I re-design these every year or so, to match the style of the website.Up until now, I have used Vistaprint. Heard of them? You must have, if you've ever searched for business cards online. Vistaprint come at the top of your search results. This isn't because Vistaprint are any good, but because they pay Google handsomely to achieve first place in your search results.There's nothing wrong with this practice - good business sense says that this is an effective way to blot out your competitors.You wouldn't think that getting simple flyers printed could be so challenging.What could go wrong?1. The colours could be wrong2. The cut could be squint3. The image could be incorrectly placed on the card4. The image could be incorrectly sized on the cardWith my newly-found printing company, Banana Print, none of these things went wrong. I am now the proud owner of perfectly printed cards and flyers from Banana Print.I am also the somewhat embarrassed owner of two sets of incorrectly printed Vistaprint products. Two sets: not only did Vistaprint get my order wrong, their replacement was even worse. Vistaprint's quality control has broken. And that happens sometimes in business, even in big businesses.However, all is not forgiven. In addition to Vistaprint's inability to avoid all 4 errors (they got 2 out of 4 in each print run), their customer support was absolutely atrocious. First, they tell me that they have no policy in place for returns. Then, when I press them harder, they give me a return address and £20 to cover postage. The two parcels (two, remember, because Vistaprint just can't get these things printed correctly) weigh 38kg. I scour the web for the cheapest delivery from the UK to the Netherlands, and it's £44.05. I explain that sending their product back to Vistaprint will result in me being out of pocket, and, guess what? Vistaprint change their minds and say that due to COVID, they can't accept returns. After they had already given me a return address and some (but not all) of the return postage. And, all through this email dialogue, they are wishing me a nice day and telling me to ask if there is anything at all they can do to help. What a load of useless hot air. Vistaprint really don't care about their customers, their customers' peace of mind, their customers' satisfaction, or their own product quality. I'm glad they let me down, really I am, or I would never have discovered Banana Print, who are cheaper than Vistaprint, better quality than Vistaprint, have a better website than Vistaprint, and, unlike Vistaprint, actually know how to print things correctly.Want a good pack of cards? Take out the Jokers first.Mac, Editor--Ace of Diamonds: https://www.banana-print.co.ukJokers: https://www.vistaprint.co.uk
Picture This3 May 2021Picture This I'm in awe of people who do things for others. Especially when they don't ask for anything in return.The software world is full of such people.Lemonrock's latest upgrade is to our photo galleries. When you view any band or venue page that has several photos, a photo rotator enables you to scroll through the photos; pinching, zooming and panning, to get the last ounce of detail from a band or venue photo on a smaller screen.Before, such panning and zooming wasn't possible. Now, thanks to PhotoSwipe, Lemonrock is brighter and better. So thank you Dmytro Semenov, for making our lives a little happier as we reach the end of this long lockdown tunnel.Mac, Editor
Choices, choices...29 Apr 2021Choices, choices... Lemonrock has its competitors, so we thought it was time to show them off a bit.Lemonrock's aim is to help venues, bands, musicians, and people who love Live Music.In the last 2 years we have invested heavily in our IT infrastructure, so our gig guide is fast and easy to use.But please don't take our word for it... here are some other gig guides for the UK. Some sites are slow, some are mobile-unfriendly, so please be patient... and, when you're finished browsing, join Lemonrock if you want to get your gigs out there. We list live music all over the UK, make it easy to post gigs, and we're Google search-friendly, so your gigs are easy to find by local fans and customers. We send gig alerts directly to your fans' and customers' mobile phones.We look forward to welcoming you to Lemonrock - the UK's best Live Music Gig Guide!https://www.lemonrock.com/join.php-- Other UK Gig Guides --Manchester:https://www.skiddle.com/gigs/Manchester/Newcastle Upon Tyne:http://www.davysrockpage.co.uk/Liverpool:https://www.stereoboard.com/gigs-in-liverpoolLeeds:https://www.leedsgigs.co.uk/Birmingham:https://visitbirmingham.com/whats-on/festivals-and-events/concerts-and-gigsBrighton:https://www.bn1magazine.co.uk/Scotland:http://www.gigguide.co.uk/Wales:https://www.welshgigs.com/Know about another good gig guide? Let us know, and we'll add it here.Mac MacLaren, Editor----P.S. Join Lemonrock, the fastest and most comprehensive gig guide in the UK, and get a FREE 30-day trial!https://www.lemonrock.com/join.php
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